Harry Potter Magical Time Loops
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Here's another one from the inner depths of my insanity. Hope you like it.
@--}---
"So, what are you planning on doing to screw with the old man this loop?" Hermione Granger asked her best friend, Harry Potter.
Currently, the two preteens were sitting together in an empty compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Ron Weasley, the third member of the Gryffindor Trio, had not retained his memory from the previous loop (a bit of blessing due to how he had died last time) and was currently sitting with his brothers in another compartment. As such, he and Hermione were plotting what they planned to do when they arrived at Hogwarts to shake things up.
"I have a couple of ideas." Harry replied, as he stared out the window at the passing scenery. "However, none of them are really call out to me as being up to my now usual brand of mayhem."
"Same here." Hermione said with a small sigh. "I had a few ideas myself, but they just don't seem up to my usual standards of perfection."
The two of them were interrupted from musings by a knock on the compartment door. Before either of them could answer it, it slid open to reveal Ginny Weasley and Luna Lovegood. While Hermione looked genuinely surprised to see them there, Harry was looking distinctly nervous.
"What the heck are you two doing here?" Hermione asked in a surprised voice.
"Mmmm. . . ." Ginny purred out in a sexy voice that just seemed so very wrong coming from the preteen witch. "Harry knows why we're here. Don't you, Harry?"
"Harry, I so miss our little game of fulgrogs and balinicks." Luna chimed in her usual airy voice. "And now we have to wait again until we're older for you to claim what you have so many times before."
While Hermione looked confused, Harry knew exactly what the two girls were talking about. During the last loop, Harry had somehow managed to acquire marriage contracts from Luna Lovegood, Cho Chang, Susan Bones, Padma and Parvarti Patil, and Ginny Weasley. He had ended up in the Hogwarts Infirmary more times than he cared to admit for "a severe case of dehydration" due to his new wives finding out just how "virile" their husband could be in the bedroom. Thankfully, that loop had ended before Harry had to be admitted to St. Mungo just to stay alive.
"Harry, you didn't do what I think you did with Luna and Ginny, did you?" Hermione asked, her voice taking a bit of a hard edge.
"And Cho, and Susan, and Padma, and Parvarti too." Luna chimed in in a sing-song voice.
"That's enough, Luna." Harry said, palming his forehead in frustration.
"I can't believe you, Harry." Hermione said, glaring at her male friend, before it melted into a rather perverted grin. "Having an orgy and not inviting me, you naughty boy you."
If Harry had been able to facefault at that moment, he probably would have. But since he couldn't, he settled for letting out a groan of frustration and slamming his forehead repeatedly against the glass window. He was only stopped from giving himself permanent brain damage was Hermione sticking her hand in front of the glass.
"You know, Harry, with the three of us here, I'm getting a good idea of what we can do to screw with the old man." Hermione said, a wicked grin on her lips. "That is, if you trust me, of course?"
"You know I do, Hermione." Harry said with a small sigh. "Just try not to embarass me too much."
"Oh, don't worry. I think you're going to like what I have planned." Hermione said. "Now, here's what we are going to do. . . ."
@--}---
"Potter, Harry."
The noise in the Main Hall was cut off as the name was announced. Many of the tables dengenerated into whispering along the lines of, "THE Harry Potter" or "The Boy-Who-Lived". People started looking along the group of first years in order to try and spot the legendary boy himself. However, no one appeared to be stepping forward to try on the Hat and be sorted.
"Potter, Harry." Professor McGonagall called out again, hoping that maybe the young man hadn't heard her the first time when she called his name.
Once again, no one stepped forward and Professor McGonagall was fixing to turn to ask the Headmaster if he was sure that young Harry had been on the train. However, she was stopped when the doors to the Great Hall flew open and someone stepped into the room with three young ladies flanking his side. Whoever they were, they were not what anyone was expecting.
The young man was dressed in the most outrageous outfit anyone had ever seen and one that was certainly not on the required dressing list for Hogwarts. He was wearing a pair of lavender shoes with gold tips, lavender pants, a white button-up shirt, lavender button-up suit jacket, a lavender tie with a diamond pin in the center of it, and a white hat with what looked liked leopard spots around the center of it. He wore a pair of gold sunglasses with lavender lenses over his eyes and he was carrying a gold cane with a lavender jewel on the tip of it. His hair had been slicked down with a copious amount of gel, he had a single gold ring with a large diamond in it on his left first finger, and finally, he had diamond earrings in both earlobes. Also, he was currently smiling, revealing a single gold tooth.
If the stranger's appearance wasn't odd enough, the three women were even odder. The blonde was dressed in a light blue halter top, light blue pants, and black boots. The brunette was dressed in a business suit and glasses, and had her hair up in bun on the back of her head. The redhead was white halter top, black slacks, and a black trench coat.
The four strangers made their way down the aisle, the first years parting like the Red Sea to allow them to pass through. When they reached the front, the strange man opened his mouth and began to speak in a voice so nasally, the people just had to stare at him.
"Excuse me. There is no Harry Potter here to be sorted, but you can sort me, A Pimp Named Slickback."
"Excuse me, Mr. Slickback." Professor McGonagall started to say, before she was rudely interrupted.
"No, that's A Pimp Named Slickback." A Pimp Named Slickback, aka Harry Potter, said.
"That's what I said." Professor McGonagall said. "Mr. Slickback."
"No. No. It's A Pimp Named Slickback. Like A Tribe Called Quest. You say the whole thing. A Pimp Named Slickback." A Pimp Named Slickback said, clearing enjoying the look of absolute confusion on everybody's face, but not showing it on his own face.
"Can't we just call you Mr. Slickback for short?" Professor McGonagall questioned.
"No, bitch!!!!" A Pimp Named Slickback replied in frustration, causing everyone to gasp in shock that someone had dared to call Professor McGonagall such a horrible name. "I'm A Pimp Named Slickback!!!! Get it right or do I have to smack a bitch!!!!"
By now, Professor McGonagall was clearly frustrated and more than a little upset. However, she wasn't going to let someone young upstart get the better of her. "Very well then, A Pimp Named Slickback." she said. "If you will please take a seat upon the stool and place the Sorting Hat on, we can get you sorted into your proper house."
"Bitch, are you crazy?!?!?!?!" A Pimp Named Slickback said, looking clearly offended. "I'm not going to put on some ratty-looking hat and mess up my hair. I'd smack you right now, but I've got to keep my pimp hand ready to smack some sense into these hos."
And with that retort, all the faculty and students realized that this was going to be a very, very long seven years.
@--}---
Well, how did you like it. Obviously part of the conversation was lifted from The Boodocks, but I just thought the idea of Harry showing up at Hogwarts dressed like that was too insane not to pass up. And just for fun, here's a future scene:
@--}---
"Let us pray the Pimp's Prayer." A Pimp Named Slickback said, as he and his hos put their hands together in prayer. "Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong, Lord, so that he might learn a bitches' place. Amen."
And for the first time in his hundred plus years of life, Albus Dumbledore was smacked hard across the face by one of his students.
@--}---
Later :rofl:
@--}---
"So, what are you planning on doing to screw with the old man this loop?" Hermione Granger asked her best friend, Harry Potter.
Currently, the two preteens were sitting together in an empty compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Ron Weasley, the third member of the Gryffindor Trio, had not retained his memory from the previous loop (a bit of blessing due to how he had died last time) and was currently sitting with his brothers in another compartment. As such, he and Hermione were plotting what they planned to do when they arrived at Hogwarts to shake things up.
"I have a couple of ideas." Harry replied, as he stared out the window at the passing scenery. "However, none of them are really call out to me as being up to my now usual brand of mayhem."
"Same here." Hermione said with a small sigh. "I had a few ideas myself, but they just don't seem up to my usual standards of perfection."
The two of them were interrupted from musings by a knock on the compartment door. Before either of them could answer it, it slid open to reveal Ginny Weasley and Luna Lovegood. While Hermione looked genuinely surprised to see them there, Harry was looking distinctly nervous.
"What the heck are you two doing here?" Hermione asked in a surprised voice.
"Mmmm. . . ." Ginny purred out in a sexy voice that just seemed so very wrong coming from the preteen witch. "Harry knows why we're here. Don't you, Harry?"
"Harry, I so miss our little game of fulgrogs and balinicks." Luna chimed in her usual airy voice. "And now we have to wait again until we're older for you to claim what you have so many times before."
While Hermione looked confused, Harry knew exactly what the two girls were talking about. During the last loop, Harry had somehow managed to acquire marriage contracts from Luna Lovegood, Cho Chang, Susan Bones, Padma and Parvarti Patil, and Ginny Weasley. He had ended up in the Hogwarts Infirmary more times than he cared to admit for "a severe case of dehydration" due to his new wives finding out just how "virile" their husband could be in the bedroom. Thankfully, that loop had ended before Harry had to be admitted to St. Mungo just to stay alive.
"Harry, you didn't do what I think you did with Luna and Ginny, did you?" Hermione asked, her voice taking a bit of a hard edge.
"And Cho, and Susan, and Padma, and Parvarti too." Luna chimed in in a sing-song voice.
"That's enough, Luna." Harry said, palming his forehead in frustration.
"I can't believe you, Harry." Hermione said, glaring at her male friend, before it melted into a rather perverted grin. "Having an orgy and not inviting me, you naughty boy you."
If Harry had been able to facefault at that moment, he probably would have. But since he couldn't, he settled for letting out a groan of frustration and slamming his forehead repeatedly against the glass window. He was only stopped from giving himself permanent brain damage was Hermione sticking her hand in front of the glass.
"You know, Harry, with the three of us here, I'm getting a good idea of what we can do to screw with the old man." Hermione said, a wicked grin on her lips. "That is, if you trust me, of course?"
"You know I do, Hermione." Harry said with a small sigh. "Just try not to embarass me too much."
"Oh, don't worry. I think you're going to like what I have planned." Hermione said. "Now, here's what we are going to do. . . ."
@--}---
"Potter, Harry."
The noise in the Main Hall was cut off as the name was announced. Many of the tables dengenerated into whispering along the lines of, "THE Harry Potter" or "The Boy-Who-Lived". People started looking along the group of first years in order to try and spot the legendary boy himself. However, no one appeared to be stepping forward to try on the Hat and be sorted.
"Potter, Harry." Professor McGonagall called out again, hoping that maybe the young man hadn't heard her the first time when she called his name.
Once again, no one stepped forward and Professor McGonagall was fixing to turn to ask the Headmaster if he was sure that young Harry had been on the train. However, she was stopped when the doors to the Great Hall flew open and someone stepped into the room with three young ladies flanking his side. Whoever they were, they were not what anyone was expecting.
The young man was dressed in the most outrageous outfit anyone had ever seen and one that was certainly not on the required dressing list for Hogwarts. He was wearing a pair of lavender shoes with gold tips, lavender pants, a white button-up shirt, lavender button-up suit jacket, a lavender tie with a diamond pin in the center of it, and a white hat with what looked liked leopard spots around the center of it. He wore a pair of gold sunglasses with lavender lenses over his eyes and he was carrying a gold cane with a lavender jewel on the tip of it. His hair had been slicked down with a copious amount of gel, he had a single gold ring with a large diamond in it on his left first finger, and finally, he had diamond earrings in both earlobes. Also, he was currently smiling, revealing a single gold tooth.
If the stranger's appearance wasn't odd enough, the three women were even odder. The blonde was dressed in a light blue halter top, light blue pants, and black boots. The brunette was dressed in a business suit and glasses, and had her hair up in bun on the back of her head. The redhead was white halter top, black slacks, and a black trench coat.
The four strangers made their way down the aisle, the first years parting like the Red Sea to allow them to pass through. When they reached the front, the strange man opened his mouth and began to speak in a voice so nasally, the people just had to stare at him.
"Excuse me. There is no Harry Potter here to be sorted, but you can sort me, A Pimp Named Slickback."
"Excuse me, Mr. Slickback." Professor McGonagall started to say, before she was rudely interrupted.
"No, that's A Pimp Named Slickback." A Pimp Named Slickback, aka Harry Potter, said.
"That's what I said." Professor McGonagall said. "Mr. Slickback."
"No. No. It's A Pimp Named Slickback. Like A Tribe Called Quest. You say the whole thing. A Pimp Named Slickback." A Pimp Named Slickback said, clearing enjoying the look of absolute confusion on everybody's face, but not showing it on his own face.
"Can't we just call you Mr. Slickback for short?" Professor McGonagall questioned.
"No, bitch!!!!" A Pimp Named Slickback replied in frustration, causing everyone to gasp in shock that someone had dared to call Professor McGonagall such a horrible name. "I'm A Pimp Named Slickback!!!! Get it right or do I have to smack a bitch!!!!"
By now, Professor McGonagall was clearly frustrated and more than a little upset. However, she wasn't going to let someone young upstart get the better of her. "Very well then, A Pimp Named Slickback." she said. "If you will please take a seat upon the stool and place the Sorting Hat on, we can get you sorted into your proper house."
"Bitch, are you crazy?!?!?!?!" A Pimp Named Slickback said, looking clearly offended. "I'm not going to put on some ratty-looking hat and mess up my hair. I'd smack you right now, but I've got to keep my pimp hand ready to smack some sense into these hos."
And with that retort, all the faculty and students realized that this was going to be a very, very long seven years.
@--}---
Well, how did you like it. Obviously part of the conversation was lifted from The Boodocks, but I just thought the idea of Harry showing up at Hogwarts dressed like that was too insane not to pass up. And just for fun, here's a future scene:
@--}---
"Let us pray the Pimp's Prayer." A Pimp Named Slickback said, as he and his hos put their hands together in prayer. "Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong, Lord, so that he might learn a bitches' place. Amen."
And for the first time in his hundred plus years of life, Albus Dumbledore was smacked hard across the face by one of his students.
@--}---
Later :rofl:
I know that originally it was for a female, but I changed it so it could be used against Dumbledore. I thought it was funny.
And, just to screw with everyone's mind, here's another from the twisted depths of my brain. Be careful if you go looking in there. You won't like what you find:
@--}---
Harry Potter looked down at the teenaged female form of his greatest enemy, Lord Voldemort, that was currently snuggling against his chest and looking at him with complete adoration. There was only one thing he could say in a situation like this:
"Check please. That's it, I can't do this anymore."
@--}---
Later.
And, just to screw with everyone's mind, here's another from the twisted depths of my brain. Be careful if you go looking in there. You won't like what you find:
@--}---
Harry Potter looked down at the teenaged female form of his greatest enemy, Lord Voldemort, that was currently snuggling against his chest and looking at him with complete adoration. There was only one thing he could say in a situation like this:
"Check please. That's it, I can't do this anymore."
@--}---
Later.
This was the first time Harry had ever remembered coming back during this particular time, and it wasn't exactly the best time to comeback at all.
Of course that also meant he wouldn't have to deal with it later, nor would he be able to access his Vizard powers should he want to go Shinigami on people's asses this loop.
It wasn't the first time he had looped to the graveyard his fourth year. Only usually he was either tied to the stone, or just arriving by portkey. Not once had he ever looped into the middle of a duel, especially not one with Voldemort, and not RIGHT before he was about to lock it up with the Dark Lord in Priori Incantatem.
Of course his sudden appearance in this loop had caused him to hesitate and all Harry would do was watch as a flash of green light was over him.
Of course that also meant he wouldn't have to deal with it later, nor would he be able to access his Vizard powers should he want to go Shinigami on people's asses this loop.
It wasn't the first time he had looped to the graveyard his fourth year. Only usually he was either tied to the stone, or just arriving by portkey. Not once had he ever looped into the middle of a duel, especially not one with Voldemort, and not RIGHT before he was about to lock it up with the Dark Lord in Priori Incantatem.
Of course his sudden appearance in this loop had caused him to hesitate and all Harry would do was watch as a flash of green light was over him.
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Harry was about to enter battle. He looked at the two companions with him. It was another of those fused loops.
But he had never seen these two girls before this loop.
"Are you girls ready?" he asked.
"Yeah, I am." said one. "Thank you for saving my sisters life. I don't know what I would have done without her anymore."
"Yes, thank you." said the other. "My body had almost had it. Now I have a chance to live."
"No problem girls." said Harry. "Let's go do it. We've got some Death Eater tail to kick."
The girls held there hands together, and glowed. When the glow faded a new person stood there. She looked at him, and nodded, her blonde hair and completly green eyes looked fetching.
They rushed forward and attacked. The Death Eaters began to die by the score. They weaved and ducked through spells.
They were almost at their goal. Just a little more and the threat would be over. Voldemort never stood a chance as Harry, and Tsubassa and Hikaru Shiina in their combined form stormed right over him and defeated him.
---
Yay! I've done it! I've brought Figure 17 into the Loop.^_^
But he had never seen these two girls before this loop.
"Are you girls ready?" he asked.
"Yeah, I am." said one. "Thank you for saving my sisters life. I don't know what I would have done without her anymore."
"Yes, thank you." said the other. "My body had almost had it. Now I have a chance to live."
"No problem girls." said Harry. "Let's go do it. We've got some Death Eater tail to kick."
The girls held there hands together, and glowed. When the glow faded a new person stood there. She looked at him, and nodded, her blonde hair and completly green eyes looked fetching.
They rushed forward and attacked. The Death Eaters began to die by the score. They weaved and ducked through spells.
They were almost at their goal. Just a little more and the threat would be over. Voldemort never stood a chance as Harry, and Tsubassa and Hikaru Shiina in their combined form stormed right over him and defeated him.
---
Yay! I've done it! I've brought Figure 17 into the Loop.^_^
Harry sighed. "Another loop, another idiot Voldemort" he thought, as he waited for Pettigrew to dress Lord Voldemort. He shuddered at the mental images that the thought conjured.
"And now, we duel, Potter!" Harry, shaken out of his reverie, barely caught his wand.
"Aw, crap, this again? Well, I don't need my wand this time..." he thought, and pulled out a small notebook.
"Hey, Voldemort, how do you spell your name again?"
"..."
"What? If I'm gonna die, I at least want to find out who killed me!" Oh, how much of a lie that was.
"V...O...L...D...E...M...O...R...T..."
"Sweet, thanks!"
And the Death Eaters watched in shock as their Dark Lord fell to the ground, pierced through the brain by a frozen spike of urine falling from a passenger jet.
Harry chuckles. "Oh, I have SO got to thank that Yamagi guy when I see him again."
"And now, we duel, Potter!" Harry, shaken out of his reverie, barely caught his wand.
"Aw, crap, this again? Well, I don't need my wand this time..." he thought, and pulled out a small notebook.
"Hey, Voldemort, how do you spell your name again?"
"..."
"What? If I'm gonna die, I at least want to find out who killed me!" Oh, how much of a lie that was.
"V...O...L...D...E...M...O...R...T..."
"Sweet, thanks!"
And the Death Eaters watched in shock as their Dark Lord fell to the ground, pierced through the brain by a frozen spike of urine falling from a passenger jet.
Harry chuckles. "Oh, I have SO got to thank that Yamagi guy when I see him again."
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I dunno-- it might act differently since Riddle gave up his birth name. "L" knew that what everybody called him was just an alias, but Riddle does not go by the name Tom Riddle anymore. He truly believes himself to be Lord Voldemort. That makes all the difference in the world, I think.
Also, who is Harry's shinigami? After all, I don't believe we've ever seen somebody using a Death Note without a shinigami floating over their shoulder...
Also, who is Harry's shinigami? After all, I don't believe we've ever seen somebody using a Death Note without a shinigami floating over their shoulder...