Bleach Peer Review Omake Thread

[wingthesword]

Ichigo Kurosaki to Yamada Hanatarou

Cause you're screwed

Ichigo Kurosaki to All

DAMMIT ALL! How many times have I asked you to get me off this damn list you have me on?

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

4th Division Captain Unohana Retsu to Former 10th Division Captain Kurosaki Isshin (private line):

(sigh) Some days I understand why you left. No more acutely than now. My vice-captain finally found a man she wants, and who (had better) want her back... But he fell into the clutches of Captain Soi Fong. Considering that it was that sweet, shy seventh seat I told you about, I am inclined to side with him. But, seeing as he's not around, well... I will say this: I am pleased he pushed Isane-san to achieving bankai. I am so proud of her!

Less proud of the fact she froze the 2nd Division HQ over completely while fighting with Captain Soi Fong. Her Bankai, Itegumo no Mannen'yuki (Perpetual Snow of the Frozen Cloud), allows her to blanket entire areas with snow, sleet or simply freeze over whatever she wills. It is quite beathtaking, and seems much like Isane-san herself: Gentle as the falling snow or as cold and unforgiving as a blizzard. Give it a decade or two and I believe Captain Hitsugaya will have some competition.

But I digress. The battle between herself and Captain Soi Fong was... Well, I tried to confiscate any cameras in the area, but I appear to have not gotten them all. I believe Yoruichi-sama will no doubt like to see how her old protege handled herself...

 

[Nikas_Zekeval]

Yachiru to all 11th squad members

Yeah!? Got to watch a good fight between Snowy Big Nurse and Kitty Lover Girl and there were snow cones too!

(Yachiru doesn't know what her name for Soi Fon means, she just heard about her cat plushie collection and it called a 'cat fight')

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

4th Div. Vice-Captain Kotetsu Isane to 2nd Div. Captain Soi Fong:

DIE WHORE!

2nd Div. Captain Soi Fong to 4th Div. Vice-Captain Kotetsu Isane:

YOU FIRST!

8th Div. Captain Kyoraku Shunsui to 8th Div. Vice-Captain Ise Nanao:

Ah, Nanao-chan. Isn't it beautiful to see two women struggling so fiercely for the heart of the one they love? Such grace, such poise, such passion, such... URK! N-NANAO-CHAN! They just lost their tops!

8th Div. Vice-Captain Ise Nanao to 8th Div. Captain Kyoraku Shunsui:

Exactly, sir. That's all you're going to see of this!

8th Div. Captain Kyoraku Shunsui to 8th Div. Vice-Captain Ise Nanao:

Can we at least get a snowcone or two before we leave, Nanao-chan~? Please~?

Urahara Kisuke to 4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou:

So Yamada-san, how goes the training?

4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou to Urahara Kisuke:

W-Well, um, Hisagomaru is cooperating more with me, but I would like to ask if I could see your bankai? Because I think that might help... That, and I've never actually seen one...

Urahara Kisuke to 4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou:

Hmmm... My bankai is not suitable for training purposes, but if it is to merely see it... Of course!

4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou to Urahara Kisuke:

Thank you, Urahara-san!

Urahara Kisuke to 4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou:

Observe, Yamada-san! BANKAI!

4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou to Urahara Kisuke:

...

 

[Nanya]

Toshiro Hitsugaya to anyone:

*Yawn*? That was a good...? MATSUMOTO!? WHY AM I DRESSED UP IN PAJAMAS?!

Rangiku to self:

For some reason, I feel like I'm in trouble.? Maybe I shouldn't have doodled on Captain Shiro's face?? Naaah...? Couldn't be that.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Shihin Yoruichi to 4th Div. Seat Yamada Hanatarou:

Hanatarou, I know you're the decent sort after you stood up to Byakuya. So I know you'll do the right thing and make my little bee happy, right? =3 Because if you don't...

4th Div. Seat Yamada Hanatarou to Shihin Yoruichi:

Ah, er, um, o-of course! It's just... I really like Isane-chan too, and... Oh man... This is so hard...

 

[Prince Charon]

Shih?in Yoruichi to 4th Div. Seat Yamada Hanatarou:

I should hope so! :snigger:

4th Div. Seat Yamada Hanatarou to Shih?in Yoruichi:

You're not helping.

 

[Mev852]

Kusajishi Yachiru to Kenny

ne, Ken-chan! I was listening to Snowy Big Nurse and Kitty Lover Girl while they were fighting over that tiny fouth division guy. Apparently he's really "impressive" when he releases his Shikai, so he must've gotten really strong. You should go fight him!

Zaraki Kenpachi to Kusajishi Yachiru

not right now. I'm busy whipping Baldy and pretty-boy back into shape. Then i gotta fight Ichigo again. Gimme an hour... maybe two.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Kuchiki Rukia to Kurosaki Ichigo:

Nnnghhh...

Kurosaki Ichigo to Kuchiki Rukia:

Rukia? Rukia, are you okay...? Hinamori, what did you-ACK!

Kuchiki Rukia to Kurosaki Ichigo:

COCK. IN ME. NOW!

 

[tahu1809]

4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou to Urahara Kisuke:

...OK, right so your bankai terns you into a magical girl... you know that actually explains a lot.

4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou to Hisagomaru

Hisagomaru you won't tern me into a magical girl right?

Hisagomaru to 4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou

....

4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou to Hisagomaru

RIGHT?!

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Hisagomaru to 4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou:

Only if you make me submit in the way I want you to, Hanatarou. If not, well then... How do you like the Sailor Mercury look?

 

[Mev852]

2nd Div. Vice-Captain maeda Marechiyo to 4th Div. Captain Unohana Retsu

Unohana-Taicho! We are requesting aid in healing various members of the second division who were harmed via collateral damage in a fight between Captain Soi Fon and Vice-Captain Kotetsu. We also need help melting the ice VC Kotetsu has created with her bankai, as well as help moving the debris said Bankai has created.

2nd Div. Captain Soi Fong to 4th Div. Vice-Captain Kotetsu Isane

Have you given up yet, slut nurse! You cannot hope to touch me, let alone beat me.

4th Div. Vice-Captain Kotetsu Isane to 2nd Div. Captain Soi Fong

That's big talk for someone who has only been running away. Don't run, bitch! Come here and take the beating you deserve!

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

4th Div. Captain Unohana Retsu to 2nd Div. Vice-Captain Èmaeda Marechiyo:

(sigh) On my way...

4th Div. 7th Seat Yamada Hanatarou to Hisagomaru

Okay, okay... *heavy blush* Urahara...? I'm gonna need some booze.

 

[warai_kitsune]

Kyourinaikoku to that Eye-Patched Lunatic

I'm going to assume that sooner or later that you're going to hear about Urahara's bankai, not to mention how Yamada's trying to achieve his bankai.? I want to go on record RIGHT NOW that if you even THINK about trying anything like that with me, I'll invert my power, and instead of driving everyone into a berserk rage, I'll induce a wide-range pacifism.? NO ONE will want to fight, not even you.

Kenpachi to his Bitch

You play dirty.? Still, kind of a relief; if my sword actually wanted that kind of shit, I probably would have melted you for scrap a couple times.

While we're on the subject though...how WOULD your bankia work?

Izuru Kira to all Shinigami

I'm not entirely sure why, but I just had this horrible premonition that we are all, very thoroughly boned.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Madarame Ikkaku to Izuru Kira:

Really? I just had the thought that things are going to become even MORE frigging awesome!

Though it's hard to see how, considering how Isane and Captain Cat Fan have been fighting for a whole day now. Heheheh... Best. Damn. Fight. Ever.

Yamada Hanatarou to Kotetsu Isane and Captain Soifon:

Isane-chan! Shaolin-chan! Please, stop fighting right now!

Kotetsu Isane to Yamada Hanatarou:

Then choose me! Tell this cat bitch to get stuffed! You were my first, Hana-kun! I love you! I've always cared for you when you worked under me! I trusted you with my underwear! I know you'll make the right decision!

Captain Soifon to Yamada Hanatarou:

No, choose me! You were my first too! You've shown me how to truly be a woman! Shown me a future full of happiness, joy, and... *shivers* God, the best sex ever, I think I might orgasm from the memories alone... Ahem. Hanatarou-sama, I want to be your wife and give you many children! You know who to choose!

Yamada Hanatarou to Kotetsu Isane and Captain Soifon:

Ummm... Er... Ahhhh...

Yamada Hanatarou to Hisagomaru:

Hisagomaru... Who should I choose?

Hisagomaru to Yamada Hanatarou:

*smoking a cigarette* ... Eh... Take em both, Hana-chan. You're man enough for it.

Yamada Hanatarou to Hisagomaru:

FWAH?!

 

[jaredstar]

Kurosaki Ichigo to Kuchiki Rukia

No more I-I-I cant feel my legs

Kuchiki Rukia to Kurosaki Ichigo

Less talking, More fucking

Kurosaki Ichigo to Kuchiki Rukia

Please, the spirit is willing, but? the flesh is bruised and spoongey.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Kurosaki Ichigo to ?Ichigo Kurosaki?:

Okay, I'm tagging you in.

?Ichigo Kurosaki? to Kurosaki Ichigo:

WHAT?! Fuck no King! You can do it! Don't be a fucking pansy! Give that insatiable bitch what for!

Kurosaki Ichigo to ?Ichigo Kurosaki?:

If I die, then you're going to be all alone with her... Along with the other three. Not to mention Inoue.

?Ichigo Kurosaki? to Kurosaki Ichigo:

I'm in!

 

[Jamil Nate]

?Ichigo Kurosaki? to Kurosaki Ichigo

Sorry, King. I've done all I can. Back to the saddle with you!

Kurosaki Ichigo to ?Ichigo Kurosaki?

What? Already!? You're supposed to be stronger than me, you wimp!

?Ichigo Kurosaki? to Kurosaki Ichigo

One word : Foursome

Kurosaki Ichigo to ?Ichigo Kurosaki?

Well, shit... Everything's gone to hell and the only thing missing is someone walking on this disaster...

Yasutora "Chado" Sado to Kurosaki Ichigo

Hello, Ichigo. I have a problem and...

Kurosaki Ichigo to the Universe At Large

Me and my big mouth... And why not Orihime while we're still at it!?

Inoue Orihime to Kurosaki Ichigo and Yasutora "Chado" Sado

Hello, Kurosaki-kun! How are you today? Sado-kun? You're here too? What are you looking at? EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!?!

?Ichigo Kurosaki? to Kurosaki Ichigo

King, do shut up, will ya?

Kurosaki Ichigo to Inoue Orihime

*groan* Inoue! I can explain...

Inoue Orihime to Kurosaki Ichigo and his harem

Santen Kesshun! I REEEEEJJJEEEEEECCCCCTTTTTTT!!!

Hinamori Momo, Neliel Tu Oderschvank and Kuchiki Rukia to Inoue "Killjoy" Orihime

HEY! Just for that, you're not going to join us this time!

Inoue Orihime to Everybody Present

How could you do this!? Kurosaki-kun is precious to me. Kurosaki-kun... Kurosaki-kun... IS MINE, BITCHES! And the first to disagree, I will reject into non-existence!

Hinamori Momo to Inoue Orihime

You and what army, girl? I've got Bankai (Thanks to Ichigo, Ooooh, Ichigo-sama) and I'm not afraid to use it.

Neliel Tu Oderschvank to Inoue Orihime

Waaah! You don't want to share Ichigo! That makes you... A BAD GIRL! Watch out! I wasn't an espada for nothing, you know.

Kuchiki Rukia to Inoue Orihime

As if I would let the only man who's not afraid of my brother AND who can keep up with my libido go! Sorry, Orihime, you're my friend but if I have to fight you to keep Ichigo, I will. Where is he anyway?

Yasutora "Chad" Sado to the Scary Ladies

Um... I think Ichigo just ran away. I saw him open a garganta and jump into it.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

?Ichigo Kurosaki? to Kurosaki Ichigo:

Whew! Fuck... That was close. Though watching them tear into eachother would have been fucking hot, it wouldn't be very conductive to our continued health.

Kurosaki Ichigo to ?Ichigo Kurosaki?:

No kidding. So, now we only have to face... Aizen and his band of ungodly powerful psychos...

?Ichigo Kurosaki? to Kurosaki Ichigo:

Yeah, it'll be like a vacation.

Lord Aizen Sousuke to 4th Espada Ulqiorra Schiffer:

Ulqiorra, is that Kurosaki Ichigo on the horizon?

4th Espada Ulqiorra Schiffer to Lord Aizen Sousuke:

I believe it is, my Lord.

Lord Aizen Sousuke to 4th Espada Ulqiorra Schiffer:

He appears to be arguing with himself.

4th Espada Ulqiorra Schiffer to Lord Aizen Sousuke:

Yes, my Lord. Shall I destroy him for you?

 

[warai_kitsune]

Aizen to The Espada

...No, that won't be necessary.? Halibel, would you be a dear and blast Kurosaki-kun back to Karakura town via a Garganta?? It would likely be for the best if you had your fraccion open it while you engaged him yourself.

Halibel to Aizen

Are you sure that is wise?? He is alone and exhausted, to say nothing of his apparent psychosis.? This would be an opportune moment to neutralize him.? Whether that entails his death or his conversion I leave to your discretion.

Grimmjow to all concerned

FUCK that.? No way in hell are we letting him join the espada.? And if anybody's going to kill him, it'll be me.

Aizen to Espada

Such energy, Grimmjow!? It seems you'll be up for a few more sparring sessions later this afternoon...Ulquirra, will you have the Exequias clean that off the floor before it stains?? Now where was I...ah yes.? My dear Halibel, I did not get where I am by being a fool.? Certainly I don't dismiss your intelligence, but I'm afraid you're not looking at the big picture.? Dealing with Kurosaki-kun now would be useful, but whether we kill him or convince him to join us, it will only be a short-term gain, and more importantly, one that will do us a great deal more harm than good.? I would just as soon NOT have every unattached female in Seireitei storming our home immediately.

Nnoitra to Aizen

WHAT?!? You're throwing him out so you don't have to fight some fucking WOMEN?!

Aizen to Nnoitra

...

Ulquirroa to Szayel and Exequias (Later)

Lord Aizen wishes me to make it expressly clear that you are NOT to perform any kind of examination of or experimentation on Nnoitra while he's regenerating.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

(Awesome, we just made it to 20,000 views on this topic!)


Szayel to Ulquiorra:

You are just no fun, Ulqiorra. Really, couldn't he at least allow me to make him more tolerable by castrating him? A relatively simple procedure, but something I'm sure we'd all appreciate.

Halibel to Kurosaki Ichigo:

Excuse me, Kurosaki, but I am afraid I must evict you from the area.

Kurosaki Ichigo to Halibel:

Wait, what?! Oh come on! I swear, I'm not here to kick your asses... This time. I'm just, you know, hiding out from the crazy women trying to jump my bones.

Halibel to Kurosaki Ichigo:

That, according to Lord Aizen, is the problem.

Kurosaki Ichigo to Halibel:

Well I ain't going without a fight!

Kotetsu Isane to Soifon:

You're making Hana-chan too scared to make a proper decision! DIE!

Soifon to Kotetsu Isane:

Fuck you, you hypocritical bitch! You're the intimidating one!

Hanatarou to Kotetsu Isane and Soifon:

Um, ladies, could you, er...

Kotetsu Isane to Soifon:

EAT BLIZZARD SLUT!

Soifon to Kotetsu Isane:

THAT'S IT! FLASHCRY, BITCH!

Hanatarou to Kotetsu Isane and Soifon:

Ladies... Could you possibly...?

Kotetsu Isane to Soifon:

YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT! ICICLE WHIP!

Soifon to Kotetsu Isane:

OWW! GRRR, HORNET BITCHSLAP!

Hanatarou to Kotetsu Isane and Soifon:

ALLRIGHT, THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR FIGHTING AND BICKERING! BANKAI!

 

[Reikson]

Hours later;

Koutetsu Isane to Soifon;

Ohhh... everything hurts...

Soifon to Koutetsu Isane;

Shut... up... it's your fault... he used bankai... on us...

Yamada Hanatarou to Soifon and Koutetsu Isane;

Ladies, need I teach you two what Chimamire Akeiro Hisagomaru is capable of AGAIN?!? Then, if you don't want to learn that lesson again, you'd better behave and get along with each other.

(Private Line)Hisagomaru to Yamada Hanatarou;

THAT's my Hanatarou-kun!

 

[WOLead]

Exequias(Rudob?n) to Szayel

You know sir, we could setup a trade with that Hollow clown imitation that is the Captain of the 12th Division in the Gotei 13.? That follows the rules set forth by Lord Aizen.? If we keep things under the table, it may be possible get a Captain level Shinigami for your own research by trading away that fool.

 

[warai_kitsune]

Ichigo Kurosaki to Halibel

Oh COME ON!? Can't you just leave me here?? If I'm not with you guys, then Orihime, Rukia, Momo, and Neliel won't do anything to you guys, right?

Halibel to Kurosaki

...Let me explain to you what would happen if we did.? First, regardless of any? evidence to the contrary, those four will never...EVER...come to the conclusion that you disappeared to get away from them.? Therefore, they will come up with an alternative explanation for why you're gone.? If you end up in Los Nochas, again regardless of the facts, they'll likely jump to the simplest conclusion, that you were forced here in one way or another.? Worst case scenario, they'll assume that we brought you here to make you OUR sex toy, and they'll either slaughter every female arrancar they can find, or depending on what they think of them, they may just slaughter all the bishies they can find.? Either way, you being anywhere EXCEPT Karakura is bad for us.? My apologies.

On a more personal note, if I don't send you back there, it's entirely possible that those nymphomaniacs will force themselves on Sado-chan, which is quite simply intolerable.? So GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

 

[grant]

I was about to ask about the lack of Chad.