In retrospect, Kakashi should have known this would be a bad day. He'd woken up to find he had drooled all over his Icha-Icha tactics, and at breakfast, he'd spilled coffee on his back-up copy, and on his senic walk to the training grounds, a kid on a bicycle had splashed a puddle onto his back-up, back-up copy, so now he was on his holy-shit-emergency-copy before he even got to his new vict-er, his new potential team, so he could work out some aggressions, right?
Again, in hindsight, he should have noticed something was off the moment he saw Naruto meditating, seeing the blond willingly staying in place for so long was a bad sign. And speaking of bad signs, his other male victim was acting out of character, not as bad as the blond, but still...he wasn't brooding, he didn't have his normal scowl or any look of anger, in fact, he looked to be relaxing, listening to music...
...And playing air guitar...
...Wierd...
But the biggest change was female of the team. Her clothes were in the same style, but were black with white trim and odd, glowing green lines running throughout, and one eye was wrong.
Obviously a spy, and a bad one at that, Kakashi thought, the person acted like they had never even seen the person they were imitating, or thought he was an idiot. He'd have a chance to take her out during the test, and it would be a new object to bring upon his future failures. Seriously, this was a classmate of theirs and they couldn't see something wrong here?
The last sign of a bad day was the one that should have stood out the most. He was a seasoned jonin, and had honed his instincts over many battles, but he had ignored the icy chill running down his back when he himself said "Intent to kill."
"Uh, you sure about that, Sensei?" Sasuke asked in an oddly laid back tone.
Kakashi smiled at how cute they were, thinking they could hurt him, "Yes, Sasuke, otherwise you won't even be able to touch me. GO!"
To Kakashi's disappointment, they didn't move. The three just looked at each other, shrugged, and held out a fist.
"Jan"
"Ken"
"PON!"
Naruto and 'Sakura' had rock, where Sasuke had paper.
"Ha, awesome," Sasuke smiled, "Alright, old dude, let's rock!"
Kakashi watched as the dark haired boy struck a weird pose-
"Henshin-A-Go-Go, Baby!"
There was a blindingly bright flash, Kakashi having to cover his one eye, before the grass right in front of him crunched under foot.
S-S-S-SLOW!
It was an odd sensation, he could just barely see the hit coming, but he couldn't react. When it connected, it was way stronger than it should have been, sending the jonin back several feet. Landing in a crouch, he finally got a look at his attacker, Sasuke...
Wearing red spandex and a full cover helmet, looking like a comic book character...
"Look out, Sensei, or I'll kick your but before you know it!"
MACH SPEED!
The boy was on him in a second, throwing punches faster than should have been possible for a genin, to the point that Kakashi wasn't able to block them all. When the boy's fists burst into flame, Kakashi tried to back off, only for another Sasuke to join in the attack from behind-
And another from the side-
From above-
ZOOM!
Sasuke's flaming combo ended with a strong punch to the gut...
Causing Kakashi to burst into a bunch of burning, wooden splinters.
"Aw, man," Sasuke groaned, his suit disappearing, "I thought I had him."
"Too bad for you," Naruto laughed, "It's Sakura-chan's turn, now."
Kakashi watched, wide eyed, as he tried to catch his breath as the Uchiha walked away, if that really was the Uchiha, and he was seriously having doubts. That attack almost killed the Jonin, and was well beyond the abilities of the boy as the academy knew.
Kakashi noticed something as the obviously false Sakura walked into the field, a trio of slits on the die of her neck, opening and closing.
What the he-
The girls head shot towards him, "Found you."
It's odd the things you sometime notice. Sometimes a ninja will count the number of bird in the air just before a big fight, sometimes they'll notice a smell of nearby flowers.
Kakashi noticed a pair of horizontal striped appear around 'Sakura's' legs just before the tree he was standing on exploded into splinters as he leaped away. Landing and turning, he was surprised to see she had shoulder-checked the tree with an arm covered in a thick layer of...Diamiond?!
"Good reflexes, sensei," Sakura said, "And a good thing, too. The material that currently makes up my arm is dense and hard as diamond. Moving at just over 800 kilometers per hour, I would have had to sponge you off of my arm."
Kakashi pulled up his headband, whoever this was, she was obviously a better fighter than infiltrator, "Who are you?" The jonin barked, locking eyes with her, one normal, but the other a yellow with a horizontal bar-like pupil.
Silent for a moment, an expression of understanding dawned on her face, "Ah, you mean my change in ability and appearance. Let me assure you, Hatake Kakashi, I am Haruno Sakura, despite my changes. Perhaps we will explain after this test finishes," Her normal eye changed, the scalera turning black as the green pupil glowed, "If you survive, that is." A beam of energy shot out, burning off some of Kakashi's hair as he ducked.
Okay, no more playing around, this bitch was serious and-
*BEEP-BEEP-BEEP*
Sasuke looked down at his watch, "Hey, it's Naruto's turn."
"Allright," The blond cheered, his shadow stretching out.
Kakashi looked on in horror as the field was shadowed over by-
"OH, FUCK THIS!" Kakashi yelled, running like the hounds of hell has his pants in their teeth.
------
Asuma grunted, pulling his knife out of the shadow creature, a big, floating ball that just tried to chomp his head off, before spinning around to cut down a pint-size humanoid.
I knew the Nara controlled shadows, but this is bullshit, He thought. He knew the Nara were lazy, but creating these things so they wouldn't have to fight themselves? And it wasn't just the shadows, the floating ones kept flinging jutsu at him. Yeah, a jutsu using jutsu, fireballs, lightning bolts, blasts of ice, this was ridiculous.
"Found you, sensei!" A voice called, giving him just enough time to duck, the odd shaped, lightning covered kunai grazing his back instead of punching into his skull.
Yeah, at least the Nara boys powers made sense, even if creating shadow...things should be way out of his league and he was doing more than Asuma had ever seen Shikaku do. But the Yamanaka girl? When did her clan get so powerful with elemental justu? And how did she just conjure weapons?
The girls knives disappeared, replaced in her hands by a floral scythe.
This would be easier if I had both trench knives, He thought bitterly as he blocked the strike.
Yeah, that was some more bullshit. He'd heard jokes about the Akimichi appatite, but to see one eat a fucking trench knife? And then he spits out a sword?
...Wait, where is the gluttonous little bastard?
Asuma stumbled forward as Ino pulled away, the jonin barely avoiding a crushing death from a falling boulder. Panting, he saw the rock become his third student, swinging a blade down on him, chipping a bit off of his trench knife.
Pushing the tubby punk back, Asuma turned tail and ran, the three chasing after him, one sleeping atop of another dark ball.
"THIS IS SOME SERIOUS BULLSHIT!"
-------
"I am going to kill Kakashi," Kurenai Yuhi whispered, bandaging the claw marks on her arm, "It will be fine, he says, they're just little kids, are you afraid they'll hurt you? I'll gut the one-eyed pervert."
Yeah, she'd expected claw from the Inuzuka, what she hadn't expected was for him to bulk up like a lifetime of steroids hit at once. She didn't expect him to turn into a lion, a fucking lion!
Luckily, he'd proved unacceptable to genjutsu, unluckily, her other two students hadn't. Shino, decked out in clothes that covered even more than the average Aburame, to the point that the only visible part of him was a shadowed outline of his head and glowing, yellow eyes, had started throwing fireballs like they were marbles, bolts of lightning shooting from his staff.
But the biggest surprise was from Hinata, her sweet little Hinata...dressed in light armor of a style Kurenai didn't know, a metal patch covering one eye as she used a long sword, again of a style the jonin didn't recognize, with the skill of a master, felling the tree where Kurenai stood just moments before.
When that happened, Kurenai knew it was time to get the hell out of there. Getting what she thought was a comfortable distance away, she took the oppertunity to take care of her wounds...
...Which she found to be a mistake as the tree behind her burst as if lightning had struck it. Turning to see Hinata pulling her sword from the burnt stump, her teammates close behind, Kurenai bolted.
"I AM GOING TO CASTRATE YOU, KAKASHI!"
-------------
Kakashi panted as he found a clearing, seeing two of his fellow jonin enter from another end.
"Asuma! Kurenai! Thank god I-URGH!" Kakashi was cut off when a pair of soft hands started to choke the hell out of him.
"Tell them to try and kill us!?" Kurenai screamed, "What could they do? I'll kill you, Kakashi. If we live through this, I'll fucking kill you!"
Kakashi coughed as Asuma pulled the woman off of him, "Wait," he coughed, "Your teams too? Never mind, we have to get the hell out of here, Naruto's-"
"Found you, Sensei!"
Kakashi stood ramrod straight, shaking in fear, which his colleges did as well when their students entered the clearing. But, against all odds, it got even worse.
The three jonin near pissed themselves as Naruto's shadow stretched behind him, pulling itself from the ground and reforming.
It was covered in Chains, sealing tags and shimenawa, blue will-o-wisps hovering around it and blue in color but there was no mistaking it.
Naruto had unleashed the Kyuubi, who was reaching a clawed hand towards them asthe other students closed in.
Shaking, his life passing before his eyes, Kakashi screamed the first thing that came to mind, "YOU ALL PASS!"
The claw stopped, "What?"
"You pass, you all pass, you're all ninja now, right?" Kakashi said quickly, looking to his colleges.
"Yeah, definitely." Asuma nodded.
"Yes," Kurenai agreed.
Kyuubi disappeared as if it hadn't been there, "Alright!" Naruto cheered, "Let go celebrate."
His fellow genin cheered, save for Hinata who simply smiled and Shikamaru, who yawned, sliding off of his ride as it dispersed.
The three jonin fell to their knees as their genin left, flinching when Choji stopped by them, belching up a trench knife before joining his friends.
"Kakashi," Kurenai growled, picking up the trench knife.
"Yeah?"
"You have a five second head start, because I am going to castrate you for this."
-----Elsewhere------
"YOSH!" Gai cheered for his female student, who stood victoriously over her Hyuuga teammate, "What an impressive display, Tenten, and snazzy new clothing."
"Uh, thanks, sensei," The girls voice echoed in her helmet, dressed in a skin-tight, black suit of a material the jonin didn't recognize.
"Yes, your skill has jumped by leaps and bounds, I didn't even see how you summoned those weapons. I'm sure you will give an astounding performance at the exams this year!"
"YOSH!" the jonin's little clone cheered, hugging his teammate, "We get to enter the exams."
"LEEE!" Tenten cried as she was shaken, "STOP! IT'S GONNA-"
*Plunk*
The three shinobi watched in horror as the kunoichi's head rolled off her shoulders.
"Come off," the head, still in the helmet, said as black cmoke came from her body's neck as it pulled her head from the helmet. The severed head smiled sheepishly as the body held it at chest level, "Um, I can explain."
But she couldn't, as her sensei and teammates has fainted.