Evangelion Evangelion Time Loop

WOLead

Well-Known Member
Whiteagle said:
Could Gendo's big prank be to convince Shinji that Pastulio is actually alive?
Maybe Gendo in response starts swapping out all the angels with giant balloon creations, convincing the entire world except Asuka that they are the angels. Yes, including Kaworu/Tabris for Shinji to squeeze and pop in his Eva and Toji's horrifying experience of nearly floating away inside a giant balloon that badly imitates the shape of an eva.
 

Jomasten

Well-Known Member
@WOLead: That's...a partly good idea...Somewhat.

But, fools all of you, for none of you can comprehend the depth of my madness.

Which is why I bring you this snippet.

*****

Every one of NERV's personel metaphorically scratched their heads, each not knowing the reason why the Commander had called for a full-scale assembly at the hangar for the Evangelions. From the maintenance workers, to even the Vice-Commander himself, who was just as confused as the Head of Evangelion R&D, who professed of knowing many things about the Commander. So it was understandable that they were caught unawares.

The whispers of the crowd were silenced the moment the Commander stepped into the room, and walked up to the podium. His hands on the sides of the podium, he regarded everyone with an unnerving stare, making everyone fidget at the tense gaze.

The tension was therefor broken, when Gendo Ikari opened his mouth...

...And spoke.

"Boobs...are NOT equal."

...Huh?

"There are boobs that are large, boobs that are small. There are boobs that are beautiful, and some that tend to sag a bit."

Everyone STARED at the man as those words came out of his mouth. Though many of the women were slightly mortified, many of the men discreetly listened to the speech, as if discerning a life lesson from an ancient guru.

"In shape, color, and size - all boobs are different. Indeed, boobs exist for the purpose of differentiation, and it is for this reason that people will struggle and compete, and bring forth new qualities."

Many stared still, uncomprehending on the what the hell this man was saying. Most of the men, though, were slowly understanding what it is the man was saying.

"Inequality is not evil. In fact, what is evil is to rashly decide what the ideal boobs are. What of the European Union, who only value shape? They all have the same shape, and so they lack interest. Or in the Chinese nation, which only values size, making them all look like they came from Planet Tits. But NERV, Tokyo-3, MY CITY, is not like them."

In some way, the Commander was telling how it was his responsiblity to take care of the safety of Tokyo-3, if said responsiblities involved the feminine bosom. Many women were either blushing, or were looking at the man with heated glares. Most, if not all, of the men were listening with tears forming in their eyes.

One such man was Kaji, who was both puzzling at some supposed hidden message within Gendo Ikari's words, at the same time discreetly recording the speech itself to either keep it in his personal archives, or spread this wonderful word. He too, was discreetly wiping tears from his eyes, sniffling his runny sinuses.

"By struggling in fighting the Angels," Gendo continued after a heartful pause, "we constantly give life to new kinds of boobs. Tokyo-3 and NERV alone are advancing to the FUTURE!"

"The defeat of the the first three Angels alone are proof that Tokyo-3 and NERV is creating new types of boobs." Gendo slammed the palms of his hands on the surface of the podium for emphasis.

The men weeped with tears of such JUBILATION, that some were now openly sobbing. The women, meanwhile, was glaring at every person with a penis around them.

"We will FIGHT! Well will STRUGGLE and OVERCOME, and defeat the Angels!" He gestured outwards towards the assembled crowd, roaring, "The BOOBS we DESIRE are at the end of this FIGHT!"

Raising his right fist, he shouted, "ALL HAIL BOOBS!"

Many women jumped in shock when the men too raised their right fists, clammoring as one voice, "ALL HAIL BOOBS!!!"

And the cheers practically shook the hangar as hundreds of thousands of men stamped their feet, clapped their hands, and whooped their approval, while the women was staring at this bizarre occurence.

Throughout it all, Gendo was smirking, muttering, "Lawl."

<hr>

A similar event was occuring as Shinji finished a similar speech, heretofore solidifying his nomination for Student-body President, with Pastulio as VP.

While the same reactions were just as prevalent to the males here, Asuka, Hikari, and the rest of the female populace of their class were surprised when they saw Rei, of all people, WEEPING while still looking at the Third Child with such ADORATION, all the while cupping her own beyond-average bosoms.

"Wonderful...So...Beautiful..." The First Child whispered lovingly.

Asuka, after hearing that, was practically screaming at the top of her lungs about how everyone in Japan were a bunch of wierdoes.

*****
 

B.B. Rain

Well-Known Member
Jomasten said:
"By struggling in fighting the Angels," Gendo continued after a heartful pause, "we constantly give life to new kinds of bobs. Tokyo-3 and NERV alone are advancing to the FUTURE!"
Interesting segue into cloning Robert, from the original topic of boobs.

On a more serious note, I've found this and the other snips you've posted here funny, but my under-caffeinated study system says it's time to sleep before preparing for my four-day midterm starts tomorrow, so that's all I could catch.

Good luck to other would-be editors.
 

DrTempo

Well-Known Member
HEHEHEHEHE!!! A mix of the "All Hail Oppai" and the "I Love War." memes!
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
Hmmm... have to wonder which slang definition of the term was being used... it really puts a different spin on things depending. Oh well...


BTW:

Asuka, after hearing that, was practically screaming at the top of his lungs about how everyone in Japan were a bunch of wierdoes.
Did Asuka, knowing this was going to occur, have a sex change to have male luings?
 

sworded

Well-Known Member
PCHeintz72 said:
*snip

Did Asuka, knowing this was going to occur, have a sex change to have male luings?
No, this is part of Shinji's next set of pranks; preform unnecessary surgery on people while they're asleep. :evil2:
 

Jomasten

Well-Known Member
Thanks for the kind words, people/persons/things/endorphin-ridden-meatbags. I've been doing various edits based on what I saw the second read through, as well as things that you all pointed out to me.

The Rei part...you know what, I've got an idea, so, why the hell not, I'll work the idea in.

For the most part, Shinji will be working with Pastulio, while Gendo will be working with Random speeches. More or less, those are their pranks.

So, for Shinji's part, expect zombies and shaving cream to be a major part, while expect glasses and pools of pure, concentrated UEEA* to muddle all of NERV for Gendo's part.


UEEA= Uber Epic Extract of Awsomness
 

Jomasten

Well-Known Member
...

...SNIP!

EDIT:

Well, TBH I'm not even sure where I'm going with this anymore...

*****

Things began to settle down in both NERV, though there was and still is a significant increase in morale in the male population. At first, this disgusted the women, but as a few days passed, they began to grudgingly accept it, since because of the high testosterone-based morale, the men were working far more efficiently than they had since the Third Angel attacked.

But then again, if they (the women that worked for NERV) thought about it, the men had also been treating them (the women) better. Meaning they have as of late been given more respect than they have, and there was even a complete lack of any sort of sexual-harassment complaints. Even though the guys were appreciating them more, even if it was directed more to their bosoms, they didn't mind. And with that, there was now been an increase in the general morale of all of NERV.

In some dark corner, there was a very sad panda. But, who cares about him, he was just a creepy guy wearing a panda suit promoting-

"But I'm a real panda, honest!"

Shut up, SH Panda.

"...Awwwww. Sad panda..."

F___ you. You creep me out. I don't even know why NERV hired you, even after that one incident a few years before Impact.

<hr>

Among the women, Misato seemed to have taken this development much better. Kaji had been flirting with the women less, and seemed to be taking his job, whatever it was, much more seriously. Though the Operations Direction did had to restrain decking him on the nose when he made an offhanded comment about her breasts, only to remind herself this is pretty much the only sexual thing Kaji and the other men had said since the Commander's inspiring (to the men), but very perverted (to the women), speech.

So this was why she was having a normal conversation with Kaji regarding something or other about the Evangelions, while Ritsuko (who was still confused about the Commander's behavior as of late) pitched in every now and then.

"And I'm telling you, making the Evangelions synchronize their movements is impossible. The pilots would have to be working on the same wave length for that to even happen." Misato commented, answering Kaji's question about making the Evangelions move in tandem in relation to flanking tactics against the Angels.

"But it is possible, if the pilots had a medium in which they could time their movements." Kaji pointed out. He turned to Ritsuko, looking for an affirmation.

After a few moments of mulling over it, Ritsuko said, "Well, I guess you could say music would make for an excellent medium." All three lapsed into companiable silence.

Misato decided to break the silence, "Well, I don't know about you, but things have been a bit busy here. What do guys say about a nice cup of coffee?"

Ritsuko and Kaji just shrugged, so all three began walking towards the break room.

They were moving down the hallway, when they suddenly stopped.

Well, to be honest, Ritsuko and Misato stopped, but that was more as a response to Kaji slipping on some unknown liquid.

Kaji tried to stand, groaning out, "Gah, what the hell."

While Misato helped Kaji up, Ritsuko quipped, "Well, I'm pretty sure NERV doesn't have any leaks."

"But it is very fortunate that Mr. Kaji has not broken anything."

All three virtually jumped in suprise at the unexpected answer, and all three turned to see...the Commander?

"C-Commander?" Misato stuttered, shock at the scene before her.

"Yes, Captain Katsuragi?" His voice still had the same even, no-nonsensical tone, but...

"W-what are you wearing?" Ritsuko managed to say, before deciding to continue staring.

To clarify as thus: note that Gendo Ikari usually wears a very spartan black coat, and matching slacks. On his hands were plain white gloves, while he wore regular round-edged orange-tinted glasses, and his hair, while slightly messy, was fashioned in such a way that it gave him a complex look. Overall, his usual look conveyed a sense of organized professionalism

The high-collared, long-tailed coat, the loose, crisp pants held up by a countless number of belts, littered with countless rather unnecessary zippers at the sleeves was not one would normally describe as a conveyance of organized professionalism, and most certainly could not be described as his usual look. And while the glasses were the same orange tint, they were now more opaque, and could be more describe as a pair of shades. To further compound the problem, the glasses were more angular, and ended in sharp points on both sides. And even though his hairstyle was virtually still the same, it could be said that it looked more wild and untamed.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Captain." Gendo said factedly.

Kamina and Simon would have been proud of the look.

With gaping mouths and incredulous looks, Misato, Ritsuko and Kaji followed the Commander's movements as he walked towards the three. He stopped in front of Kaji, and idly dusted his shoulders and arms, then looked him over for any other problems, before he clapped his hand on Kaji's shoulder, nearly making the agent buckle.

With the same even tone, he said, "It is good that nothing serious has happened, Mr. Kaji. But, remember that much worse things could have happened."

Unexpectadly, Gendo suddenly threw his arm over Kaji's shoulders and pointed towards the sky...

Well, he was pointing at the ceiling, really. But for this context, he was pointing at the sky.

Anywho, Gendo threw his arm around Kaji's shoulder and pointed to the 'sky'.

"But know this, Kaji Ryouji; while this slip may not have broken anything, it must still help you understand our struggle against the Angels. They who do not value boobs! They who DARE judge BOOBS."

Kaji managed to somewhat recover, and was staring with slightly less shock, listening partly to Gendo's words.

"As you have slipped today, so then we will make the Angels slip! And this time, THEY are the ones who will break, along with their judgement in BOOBS! But even when the hours seems grim, and the boobs seem uninteresting. NEVER FEAR! Because you must believe in me, who believes in BOOBS!" Gendo turned towards him, an intense fire burning in the Commander's eyes, and intensity that Kaji couldn't help but mimic, as the words seemed to embolden him, as turned to the 'sky-which-was-actually-the-celing-but-is-in-context-the-sky'.

"But you must not just believe in me who believes in boobs, you must also believe in believe in me who believes in you believing in boobs!"

Kaji clenched his fists, and Gendo continued, "Humanity is STRUGGLING, MR. KAJI! But we will prevail to create more boobs, because that is the power of human spirit! And we will show the Angels that we are STRONG, and women's BOOBS WONDERFUL!" Gendo too finally turned to the 'sky'.

Kaji pointed upwards, and Gendo did the same, then both ROARED, "WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK BOOBS ARE!?"

Gendo and Kaji shouted a warcry, and ran down the hall, screaming along the way.

"GEEENDO...IIIIIKKAAAARRRIIIII!!!!"

"KAAAJI...RRRRRYYOOOOUUUJJJIIII!!!"

As the two's voices echoed in the corridor, Misato and Ritsuko still stood there, frozen, as their brains crashed at the scene.

They would not the only women to do so later on.

*****
 

Whiteagle

Well-Known Member
Jomasten said:
Jo...

...You mixed up Kaji's first and last names...

Everyone calls hi Kaji... but his first name is actually Ryoji...

...It's sort of implying that Misato doesn't consider Kaji close when she refers to him by his last name...
 

bissek

Well-Known Member
An explosion racked the GeoFront. Gendo frowned. The next Angel wasn't supposed to arrive for another two weeks. What caused the explosion? He pressed a button on his desk and contacted the bridge.

"What is the cause of the disturbance?" He asked.

"It's Evangeline!" Aoba reported.

That would explain the explosion. The vampire didn't show up in these Loops often, but when she did, she tended to do cruel and unusual things to those who angered her.

"Evacuate the area around her and send the janitors in to clean up what's left when she's finished with whoever caused this." Gendo ordered.

"I'm not sure if that will work, sir. She's fighting someone I've never seen before, someone called Alucard. They're both trying to seize control of Terminal Dogma!"

Gendo paled. A battle between vampires of Evangeline and Alucard's strength could be very messy - to the point where they could wreck most of the GeoFront in collateral damage without even trying. And that didn't even take into account what the winner would do with the lake of LCL in Terminal Dogma...

For the first time in over a decade, Gendo's voice was panicked. "Evacuate all of Central Dogma! Get everyone out of the GeoFront! Have the MAGI standby in case we need to self-destruct the base!"
 

blackkyuubi

Well-Known Member
....... well I suppose if blood is the currency of life, I suppose the LCL in terminal Dogma is like the gold if fort knox.
 

sworded

Well-Known Member
Hmm, for some reason that snip made me think of the phrase 'blood orgy'; I just don't know why. :huh.: :lol:
 

andaandyckas

Well-Known Member
dogbertcarroll said:
A Loli and a Hellhound in a blood orgy... I think I saw that on 4chan.
Hmm, maybe.

BTW, DogbertCarrol, when Will you updated your "Xander babysitting Dawn and get broadcasting US-side" fic again?? Either that or Lacking an Anchor.
 

Mercsenary

Well-Known Member
blackkyuubi said:
....... well I suppose if blood is the currency of life, I suppose the LCL in terminal Dogma is like the gold if fortknocks.
Fort Knox


A Loli and a Hellhound in a blood orgy... I think I saw that on 4chan.
Loli+ Hellhound+ 4chan should not be together in one sentence.
 

Revered

Well-Known Member
I think the odds are more what wouldn't you see on 4chan. Though it would be amusing to see.... like the near-nude loli red-ridinghood and the wolf, with a butchers knife behind her back. Gotta love rule34
 

Crusader

Well-Known Member
Terra Nova, the Badlands...

"Kommt zur?ck, Shinji!" temporary tank commander Asuka Sohryu Langley of the AST commanded imperiously through the open radio channel to her frightened prey, and then, just a few seconds later, cried out "Feuer frei!" to her gunner without cutting off the radio transmission.

The red-painted Visigoth main battle tank's powerful 140mm gun opened fire on the lone (and strangely painted purple) Heavy Gear that was desperately seeking cover behind the nearest rocky terrain the scared pilot could find.

Shinji Ikari hoped he'd soon get out of this loop as he disengaged his wheels and made his Gear crouch behind a gargantuan rock.

His N-103X Hunter XMG certainly was no match for this potent Gear killer who was more than capable of dispatching him without much trouble.

(Pleasedon'tletherfindme!Pleasedon'tletherfindme!Pleasedon'tletherfindme!) His mind started repeating the words formed in his head like it was a holy mantra.

He didn't in his wildest dreams expect that Asuka would take the fact that he reduced her red OACS-05/SU Black Mamba to a piece of burning armoplast so hard that she wanted to blow him up with such firepower.

He hoped that the Orca would be there to pick him up at Waypoint Lillith, if he survived long enough to get there.

He was suddenly startled by the sound of a heavy mortar being fired close to him. He heard Asuka seconds later starting to swear and curse loudly through the radio, ranting furiously about a mortar round having partly damaged one of the tank threads.

A blue HACS-02HG-MPS Grizzly appeared from an adjacent hiding place to his Hunter XMG, making him realize that he hadn't paid any attention at all to the radar.

"The commander sent me to find you," Rei Ayanami stated bluntly through the secure radio channel with the toneless voice he had gotten used to. "He has Eva 01 stationed aboard the landship and ready for deployment against any Angel that can appear on Terra Nova in this loop."

"Gee, this just keeps getting better and better," Shinji mumbled sardonically to himself...
 

Hunter 1

Well-Known Member
Ah yes, Heavy Gear, the only mecha series that actually makes tanks a threat...
 

Crusader

Well-Known Member
Hunter 1 said:
Ah yes, Heavy Gear, the only mecha series that actually makes tanks a threat...
Gunships and ground-attack aircraft are also a serious threat for that matter.
 
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